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 Esther Blanchett (finished)

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Esther

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Age : 26
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PostSubject: Esther Blanchett (finished)   Fri May 07, 2010 9:06 pm

Name: Esther Blanchett

Rank:Eliete

Age: 18

Appearance:Esther is rather tall for a female, around ,6 feet tall. She has a rather slender body, with very little fat, but rather a slight muscualr tone . And she is developing a quite a large chest and butt, while having a flat stomach giving her a rather curvy figure. She has a slim face that is very curved. She has a small nose and long thick eyelashes. Her face is very soft and gentle looking. She has milky white skin and usually wears blush and other light makeup.

She has thick, long silky blue hair that goes down past her waist. Her hair is very thick and shines in the sun. Her eyes are a small and have a light yellowish tint.

Esther is very picky about her clothes. She usally whears a semi tight dress that fits very clowsly to her body. It is usally a strapless dress fetting just over her chest and ending a little after her hips. It is usally white or blue silk with a simple design on it. She has a cross necklace haging down to her chest and a silver bracelet on each arm.

Gender:Female

Personality: Esthers personality can most easily be described as motherly. From birth she has always had a maternal instinct. She has always been very carreing to everyone she meets. Weather it is a cut or an emotional problem she always has the need to help others. She is very selfless and will go out of her way for anything just to help someone. She is also very kind person. She is alwas calm and softspoken, never rude or angry.

Esther is a very happy and kind person. She is always calm and softspoekn. She very rarely ever gets mad and when she does she still remains calm. She is always smiling even in battle, in wich she will often hum a tune to herself. She hates to hurt other but will if need be. Although she will show pitty to those that fall to her arrows, they are very rarely givin mercey.

Although Esther is quite shy sometimes when first meeting people. She very rarely talks to new people and is very quiet. Although once she finds somthing to talk about she never shuts up. After getting to know someone she can become very open. She clings to her friends and tries to become as close to them as possible, even take care of them somtimes. She is very protective of those that she likes.

Although Esther is shy she is also very flirtatious. Ever since she was little she has dreamed of meeting the right person and starting a family. So she tries to find that special person in every one thats nice to her. Although her shyness makes it harder causing her to drop some subtle hints.
--------------------

Hair Color: Dark blue

Likes: cooking, dancing, children

Dislikes: people that are rude

Crushes:EVERYTHING

--------------------

Specialties: She learns extremely fast

History: Esther lived a pretty simple life. Although her parents died at a very young age she lived with her brother and was quite happy with just that. Although Esther never was a "normal child". After her parents died she pretty much became the mother, cooking, cleaning and was very content with it all. Although she was still a child at heart and took care of her brother. She loved taking care of him. The strange thing was as she got older she started to see these strange creatures and spirits. She liked to talk with the spirits and take care of them making sure they were as comfortable as possible. Often they became her friends, and sometimes even her children. She would invite them into her home and treat them like her own. After all that she did she always wished she could do more for them. She always kept this secret from everyone but her brother that could see them too. She never really went to school, she left that to her brother. But she did work as a baby sitter. sitting almost all the kids in town.

One day while make her way around the city she came across a creature chasing a young spirit. Esther instantly ran after them. Just before the hollow was about to finish off the spirit Esther jumped in the way taking the blow for him. It sent her flying into a wall. To her amazement she was fine with only a tad bit of damgage. The hollow completly lost interest in the spirit as it turned to attack Esther. She quickly got up as she ran. Her movements unreal for a human she just continued to dodge every attack as the hollow got angrier and angrier. A strange old man watched as Esther made a game out of the hollow. Eventually he lifted up his arm, as a bow appeared and shot the creature. Esther looked confused as it vanished but then quickly turned to the man. She wanted to know how he did that how he so easily slaied the creature. The old man reamined quiet as he just handed her a small cross off of his arm. She gripped it tight in her hands as a spiritual bow materialized into her hands. Her riatsue was extremly strong but unstable the bow quickly dissapeared. The old man smiled as he held out his hand. "I see promise in you". Esther quickly took his hand, mesmorized by the power this man seemed to have. He led her deep into the woods as he told her about the spirits, the hollows, the shinigami, and the quincy. She was shocked by everything she heard: never imagining the possibility of there being more. She was a quincy. With the power she held she could finally do more. She could protect everyone under her power. She trained hour after hour in the forest aiming to control her powers. She quit babysitting and devoted all her time to getter stronger and better. Slowly but surely she learned to control her power. Her aim became beyond perfect. She became as quincy master as she roamed the city killing of any hollows that she saw, never letting even one excape. She felt it was her duety to protect the weak from these hollows. One day instead of heading into the woods to practice the old man led her into a hospital. It was the secret home of the Quincy. She loved it there as they all became a part of her family. She was accepted amung them as they respected her tallents. Within only a short time she rose to the tops of the ranks of the Quincy. She considered herself the protecter of the city, and was willing to do anything to protect her family and honor the Quincy way.


Last edited by Esther on Thu Jun 03, 2010 11:43 pm; edited 6 times in total
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Fulmine

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PostSubject: Re: Esther Blanchett (finished)   Fri May 07, 2010 9:11 pm

approved for now but lengthen history later. i trust you :]
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PostSubject: Re: Esther Blanchett (finished)   Wed May 12, 2010 7:49 pm

Beginning with the appearance, there are some grammatical and spelling errors. In my opinion, a few things could have been done to make the sentences flow more smoothly, such as some extra commas here and there. But, overall, I'd have to say that, beyond the errors, the appearance is fairly-well fleshed out, enough to merit approval.

At this area, I would have put a comma between the words 'small' and 'around', to avoid confusion, as it just seems to smush together. I'd also put a comma before the word 'just', as, to me, it seems like a nonessential element, which needs a comma to set it off. Also, there is a spelling error of the word 'muscle'.
Quote :
Appearance: Esther is rather small around 4,1/2 feet tall. She is quite skinny with very little to no fat anywhere on her body but layered with a very small amount of mussel just enough to have a womanly figure. And she is developing a quite a large chest.

Now, here, below, we have another misspelling. Three, actually. 'Think' should be 'thick', while 'wheres' should be 'wears'. Lite is, technically, not incorrect, but it is an informal, simplified spelling of light, and, therefore, not normally used.

Quote :
She has a slim face with large cheeks. She has a small nose and long think eyelashes. She has milky white skin and usually wheres blush and other lite makeup.

Below, we have a usage error. 'To' should be 'two', correctly.

Quote :
She has long silky brown hair that goes down to her waist. She has to long braids that hang from the sides going down to her neck. Her hair is straight and has a shine to it. Her eyes are a very large and are dark pink.

Error, another error, and I think you could do without that and before the but. It just seems rather pointless to have it there.

Quote :
Esther is very picky about her clothes. She almost always wheres a loose top that hangs down to her upper stomach. It is tight around her chest and but loose around her stomach. The sleeves are cut off leaving the sides open. Having bandage underneath to cover up her chest. She also wheres a long two layered skirt. Her sleeves are cut and lower on her arms. She always has a bow in her hair. All of her clothing is dark pink with white frills.

Quote :
Personality: Esther has a very unique personality but can be mainly described just as silly. She acts just like her age or maybe even younger. Esther is very hyperactive and joyful child. She always has energy and is always doing something. She is also very social. She isn't afraid to talk to anyone and is usually very friendly. She is normally very friendly expeshially to other Quincy who she consider to be her family. She isn't afraid to use her carm to get her way, often giving people the puppy dog eyes. Although during battle she looses her childish charm. She continues to smile through an entire battle and considers it playing with someone. She shows no fear and no mercy she just smiles and sometimes laughs. She also has a pet peeve of being treated like a child. It is the one way to anger her. Being called short or a kid she will instantly go into a tantrum. Esther is a complete girly girl. She loves to shop around in the human world. And always playing with her hair or someone else's.

Spelling errors, few grammar errors. The word 'expeshially' should be 'especially', while 'carm' should be 'charm', and 'looses' should be 'loses'. I don't know, but the feeling I am getting from reading this is... laundry list. Sorry for being harsh, but I just don't like one-word-descriptions. You say that she has a unique personality, but fail to describe how, exactly, it is unique. In what way? How is she silly, how does she act her age? What makes this so? How is she hyperactive and joyful? How does she show it, in what ways? What does she like to do that she is always doing? How is she very social, in what way? I'm sure you get my point by now... It just seems... to me so very vague.

Quote :
Esther lived a pretty simple life. Although her parents died at a very young age she lived with her brother and was quite happy with just that. Although Esther never was a "normal child". After her parents died she pretty much became the mother, cooking, cleaning. Although she was still a child at hart and played all the time. The strange thing was as she got older she started to see these strange creatures and spirits. She liked to talk with the spirits and more then anything play tag with the creatures. She just simply thought she was crazy and never really said anything about it. She never really went to school she left that to her brother. She would much rather play.

'Hart' should be 'heart', while 'then' should be 'than', and there are a few other grammar errors in there. Hm. Mostly... prose. I think you should have set off the 'more than anything' with two commas on each side.

Quote :
One day while make her way around the city she came across a creature chasing a young ghost. Esther really wanted to join in so she jumped straight on top of the creature. It attacked her as she only saw it as a game. Her movements unreal for her age she just continued to dodge every attack as the hollow got angrier and angrier. A strange man watched as Esther made a game out of the hollow. Eventually he lifted up his arm and shot the creature. Esther looked disappointed as it vanished and her toy was lost but then quickly turned to the man. She wanted to know how to do that. The man lowered his arm handing her a cross. She gripped it as a bow appeared larger then her body. Her riatsue was extremely strong but also very unstable. The strange man saw promise with her and took her in. He took her into the forest where she would practice for hours blowing up much of it. Learning to control this new power became a game to her. She practiced everyday tell her aim was beyond perfect. Eventually she managed to compress her arrows enough to stop exploding with only a large part of the forest destroyed. Ever since that day she played a new game of tag with the hollows. Never once did she ever let a hollow get away, she refused to lose this new game. Then one day she saw her brother walking to the hospital. Worried she secretly followed him jumping from rooftop to rooftop her riatuse completely cloaked. There she joined with her brother as a Quincy. Her abilities were happily added in to the group.

Ah, grammar errors. I think you mean 'making'. And I view 'while making her way around the city' as a nonessential element and, therefore, needing to be set off with two commas. Like... "One day, while making her way around the city, she came across a creature chasing a young ghost."

But, besides that, you never stated what city you are talking about? Where was she born? Some place called city? There are some more errors, but I'll spare you the trouble of having to read my long-windedness any further... Let me just say that... this application tells very little of your character's past, other than meeting that man, a few lines of practicing, and fighting a hollow. What happened during the years in-between? Hm... I won't approve this, not yet. Expand, fix, and re-work, please.
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Esther

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PostSubject: Re: Esther Blanchett (finished)   Thu Jun 03, 2010 4:23 pm

comepletly redone
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Chinou

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PostSubject: Re: Esther Blanchett (finished)   Thu Jun 03, 2010 11:50 pm

Approved.
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