HomePortalFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in

Please be sure to sit out there, all you guests, and not log in. Oh, do lurk. We enjoy the lack of activity. It's so wonderful for the forum. Thank you soooo much for your dedication. Welcome to Bleach Online. We currently have lots of Elite spots open for the Quincy, Humans, Hollow, Zanpakutou Spirits. Plus Lieutenant, Fracciōn, and Vice-Elite spots open for all races. Don't be shy, and come on down and register.

The site is currently going through a Revamp. So certain things will slow down, such as application responses. However, once we have our revamp over, the site will return to its familiar luster. Just hold with us for a moment as we implement new rules and features to the site. This Revamp is expected to begin on 5/1/10 and shall conclude on 5/20/10. It will take a full ten days at least for the first half to conclude on account of size of staff and school.
http://souls-unleashed.forumotion.co/ Join, Join, Join. Better, active and everything you want!
Log in
Username:
Password:
Log in automatically: 
:: I forgot my password
Latest topics
» The would you? Could you? Game.
Thu Dec 10, 2015 8:47 pm by harrisonson

» Come and find one piece treasure
Sun Oct 25, 2015 9:29 pm by ardenz

» A free Browser game based on manga
Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:19 pm by ardenz

» 3D ARPG Game-GOW
Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:14 am by abbeytai

» Amazing Bleach Online
Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:10 am by ivanwilliam

» DBZ GAME
Wed Jul 08, 2015 8:32 pm by athenahatt

» bleach online
Thu Jul 02, 2015 3:13 am by adalxjing

» I support
Tue May 06, 2014 9:56 am by Tokujoro Seizen Το Κτήνος

» Arrancar Information
Tue May 06, 2014 9:55 am by Tokujoro Seizen Το Κτήνος

Top posting users this month
Who is online?
In total there are 2 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 2 Guests

None

Most users ever online was 108 on Sat Mar 22, 2014 4:24 pm

Share | 
 

 Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Mister Smiles

avatar

Posts : 63
Points : 4
Join date : 2010-05-07
Location : The Abyss. It's very Lonely.

PostSubject: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)    Sat May 08, 2010 9:22 am

Name: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)

Manifestation:



Pyuadoku has long, black hair, orange/red eyes, thin black eyebrows, and pale skin. He's quite muscular, and he's in shape. Though I doubt you'd ever see him without his jacket on. His clothing consists of a thin, black turtleneck, a black cloak-like jacket, along with a black cross he wears attached to a chain made of metal. Pyuadoku also wears black pants, black shoes, and even black socks to go along with it all. He tends to show a look of disappointment, but on rare associations he gives out a grin of approval. (A lot of the time he just looks neutral, not really caring about anything at all.)

Release Phrase: Leave the Fatal Blow, Pyuadoku

Family: Poison

Level: Bankai

Sealed Zanpakuto: Mister Smile's sealed zanpakuto are in the state of two finely crafted blades of steel. Being duel blades, they carry a striking percentile of 100 in similarity. Both baring the color of purple, they are of the normal katana size in length and width. The guard in the shape of a water droplet, it is actually meant to resemble a purple drop of poison. The appearance of it tends to be confusing to those who don't look into Mister Smile's background and powers.

Shikai: Each blade is overwhelmed with the gloomy yet gracious color that is black. Also, even though you can't see it, a dazzling, royal color of purple is coating each blade. The reason to why you can't see it? The black is far too dark and hides the purple like a rock being hidden inside the shadow of a large building right behind it. From the end of each hilt is also a chain which connects, or binds each weapon together. This chain being able to retract and extend up to 50 meters, this shikai state in no way keeps Mister Smile's fighting area limited. (By the way, the chains only retract and extend when Mister Smile's makes them.)

Shikai Ability: (His shikai also gives him immunity to every poison that is known by mankind now, or in the future .) The blade is covered in a particular poison. There is no way for the opponent to be given an immunity to it since the poison's contents is slightly changed every time. (Keep in mind that Mister Smile's has an immunity to each of the poisons he creates for his ability. This is done because Pyuadoku and him decided that he would be in need of a defense mechanism just in case he was hit by his own poison.)There is two ways to use this poison. By slashing downwards or other fighting motions that include the sword, I can create a wave, blast, or beam of this poison and shoot it out at the opponent. (Just so you know, the poison is a liquid) Each wave is usually about 10 meters high and 1 meter wide. The size can vary. The beam's and blast's size vary according to the power of the thrust and the amount of reiatsu and poison he puts in them. The sizes vary from 1 meter to another meter to 10 meters to another 10 meters. Due to the fact Mister Smiles includes his, and his zanpakuto's, reiatsu in the poison, it becomes very destructive once the poison mixes with the highly concentrated and compacted reiatsu. Not to mention, his poison is slightly pressurized like water in way that gives it an even more damaging touch. Or Mister Smiles can simply slash or cut the opponent for the poison to take effect. This poison causes paralysis to where it cuts. It takes only 3 posts for there to be full paralysis on the area that was cut. Although 10 posts after the area was cut, so basically 7 after there was full paralysis, the paralysis starts to spread along the body. Meaning if the wrist was cut, then the hand and arm would start to get paralyzed. Although it doesn't stop. Every post the opponent's body gets a little more paralyzed. So if their back was cut, then from the back it would go to the arms and legs and neck. (So basically it's like a slow kill.) The spreading of the paralysis would only stop if the opponent practically cut off their arm or if they had a healing technique or antidote that could slow down the effects of the paralysis. It can't be stopped completely unless the opponent can take out all the contents of the poison from their body, or if they manage to get Mister Smiles to go back to his released state. (Although, it would take a long time for the effects to completely go away after he's in his released state, leaving his opponent vulnerable. The estimated time is about 5-30 posts. Depends on how much poison was put into the victim.)

Bankai Name: Zajunsui Pyuadoku (The True Pure Poison)

Bankai: Mister Smiles now holds a scythe with a 3 yard long staff and a dark black blade on each end. Each of the blades face the opposite way meaning if the staff was spun then the blades would be spinning the same way. In the middle of the staff, the double bladed scythe can be put into half. inside of where the staff is taken apart, there is a chain that can extend to 100 meters. The chain is also black. The blades are also coated with a poison that makes the area it hits go numb. Along with his weapon, he is now wearing the same black trench coat as his manifestation.

Bankai Ability: Bankai Ability: Besides the bankai's normal ability, because of the small bankai, most of the bankai power is condensed (like ichigo's bankai) into the small form meaning that most of the bankai is put into Kensei's speed and strength. His speed is the flash step doubled and his strength is doubled as well. Even though bankai strength is usually stronger, Mister Smiles's bankai is stronger than that. The normal ability of this bankai is that he can control his poison in a liquid form. He can create this poison and form it from his zanpakuto and the surfaces around him. He can control the poison's direction, speed, etc. Also he can control on how he makes the poison attack. He could make a cero-sized blast of poison and/or make small beams erupt from the surfaces around him. He can also make poison waves. Not to mention he can make a shield of the liquid poison around him that is similar to a water sphere shield. Basically it's just the same poison spinning around him at high speeds protecting him and possibly hurting the enemy. In other words, he can fully manipulate the poison at his will so basically he can control the poison with his mind or his hands and he can even control it with his scythes. One of the odd ways to use it considering his speed is that he can make a busrt of the poison erupt from under him shooting him up into the air. Keep in mind that he has an immunity to every poison that is known. So you'd think he would have an immunity to a poison that he created... which he does.

Now on to what the poison does. This poison is like the Botulinum but to a higher extreme. Since this is bankai, the poison does not take as long to take effect. If this poison touches your skin, the skin will start to get extremely irritated in just a few seconds. This is basically used to distract the opponent. Although the irritation doesn't give in and go away unless the opponent has a way to heal himself from it. Although there is no immunity to this poison so if the opponent has an ability to heal the effects of the poison, it doesn't mean that they can or will grow and immunity to it. After one post, a paralyzing effect will take place. The poison will sink through the skin and take control of the nerves and basically.... freeze them in some way. Thus that area is paralyzed. The only bad thing is that it doesn't affect the irritation, while the opponent can't use the area that the paralysis took place, they will still have the terrible irritation. Although it takes 3 posts for this to fully take effect although captain strength opponents take 6 posts before they are fully paralyzed. So each post the paralysis will slightly get worse and worse. If this poison hits the opponents eyes, the poison will enter the eye and blind them as long as his bankai is activated. If this poison enters the body, it will travel through the bloodstreams and give off an infection that causes a bad headache, nausea, terrible coughing and sneezing, a bad stomach, and it will cause the opponent to feel drowsy. Basically like a high fever. Allthough it would take 3 posts after this enters the body for it to fully take affect. Meaning every post it will be like the paralysis effect and it will slightly get worse and worse. Unless the opponent has some way to heal himself from the effects, it will not fully stop 'til Mister Smiles unactivates his bankai.

and just so you know, this isn't op with the effects, it should be avoidable unless the opponent isn't as strong as Mister Smiles.

Techniques:

Shikai
Name: Poison Gas
Effect: Out of the sword, it releases a small quantity of mustard gas that covers an area of 10 square meters. The burning sensation it causes on contact with the skin is similar to that caused by oil from black mustard seeds. The compound is not a gas but a colorless, oily liquid with a somewhat sweet, agreeable odor; it boils at 217°C. A powerful vesicant, mustard gas causes severe blistering even in small quantities. Highly irritating to the eyes, it quickly causes conjunctivitis and blindness. If inhaled, it attacks the respiratory tract and lungs, causing pulmonary edema. (Mister Smiles has gained an immunity to this poison)
Duration and or Cooldown: The gas last for 3 posts and has an 8 post cooldown.

Shikai and Bankai
Poison Wires- By using his zanpakuto's poison, Mister Smiles takes out some of the poison from the sword. (of course the sword regererates that poison at a high speed due to the fact of my shikai/bankai ability, i would need to be able to) Using his mind, (and even his hands if he doesn't want to use his mind to focus >.>, but the wires can go up to the speed of the admired flash step)), he is able to create wire-like beams of reiatsu that he can fully manipulate. Using the wire-like form, he condenses his reiatsu and mixes it with the poison giving it very destructive power. Meaning he could cut a building in half. He can control the direction, speed, etc of the wires and can even use it to protect himself. He can create several wires but the destructive power is divided between them. It's also control somewhat like byakuya's shikai, the wires don't have to touch him or his zanpakutos for him to move them, he can pretty much control and create them from a 20 meter mile radius around him. This is done when he leaks his reiatsu out into the air and creates streams of reiatsu in that 20 meter radius around him. So basically its not wise to be that close to him. Although yes, he can create the wires from his zanpakutos considering hte fact he's using the poison from the blades.

Rules in making Techs:
0-119 points: 3 techs
120-239: 4 techs
240-359: 5 techs
360-479: 6 techs.... and so on and so fourth... you can add more techs as your points
NOTE: Put if the tech is used in shikai or bankai for the sake of order


Last edited by Mister Smiles on Sat Jul 10, 2010 10:56 pm; edited 10 times in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Mister Smiles

avatar

Posts : 63
Points : 4
Join date : 2010-05-07
Location : The Abyss. It's very Lonely.

PostSubject: Re: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)    Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:17 am

el bumpo~! >.>
Back to top Go down
View user profile
The Abyssal Toymaker



Posts : 71
Points : 1
Join date : 2010-06-05

PostSubject: Re: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)    Thu Jul 08, 2010 8:48 pm

...Yeah, I'll review this soon. In the meantime, expect to be given extra work. For now, write a written description for the manifestion, lazy ass. Like, now, Scoob. Dude. We has to do that, or it's, like, not goin' to be passed, mannnn.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Mister Smiles

avatar

Posts : 63
Points : 4
Join date : 2010-05-07
Location : The Abyss. It's very Lonely.

PostSubject: Re: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)    Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:04 pm

Written description edited in, duuuude. >.>
Back to top Go down
View user profile
The Abyssal Toymaker



Posts : 71
Points : 1
Join date : 2010-06-05

PostSubject: Re: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)    Sat Jul 10, 2010 8:58 am

Quote :
Pyuadoku has long, black hair, orange/red eyes, thin black eyebrows, and pale skin. He's quite muscular, and he's in shape. Though I doubt you'd ever see him without his jacket on. His clothing consists of a thin, black turtleneck, a black cloak-like jacket, along with a black cross he wears attacked to a chain made of metal. Pyuadoku also wears black pants, black shoes, and even black socks to go along with it all. He tends to show a look of disappointment, but on rare associations he gives out a grin of approval. (A lot of the time he just looks neutral, not really caring about anything at all.)

Very good. I deem this as sufficient, thus giving it my overall approval. You should fix that grammatical error up there, though; the one underlined. I presumed that “attacked” should be “attached”, therein breaking one of my own golden rules; never presume or assume anything. Oh well. Anyway, just fix that and we will be fine.

Quote :
Sealed Zanpakutou: 2 Normal Purple Hilted Katana

Pardon me? The manifestation was done well enough, and then we have this. I shall be truthful in my words. This disappoints me, Mister Smiles. Come now, even a plain, old katana looks like something. I gain no visual imaginary of your sword with this description; none at all. The words are alive; you just need to breathe that life into them. Five words? You can do far better. Far, far better, and I shall hold you to such a standard. Give me more. Describe the entire blade; every detail, every inch; the hilt, the way the blade curves so sensually. Love your sword. Love your words. Feel it; put yourself in your character’s habitation, holding the sword, digging down into your drawing stance, as if you were preparing yourself for a life or death dual, in which the outcome was truly an unknown. If you try, you can turn those five little words into two, full paragraphs. Oh, and you forget to end that sentence with a period.

You are a bad boy, Mister Smiles.


Quote :
Shikai: The blades are now a dark black. The hilts are connect by a retracting chain that can extend up to 100 meters.

What? I can’t hear you… with that lacking sentence. Same goes with this as did for the sealed, Mister Smiles. Moreover, 100 meters is a bit too much for a Shikai, I think. Less, less, less. Ah, how could I forget the grammatical error?

Quote :
(his shikai also gives him immunity to every poison that is known to man and spiritual being alike.) The blade is covered in a particular poison. There is no way for the opponent to be given an immunity to it. There is two ways to use this poison. By slashing downwards or other fighting motions that include the sword, I can create a wave of this poison and shoot it out at the opponent. (Just so you know, the poison is a liquid) It is about the size of Ichigo's reiatsu wave and has about the same destructive power. Or Mister Smiles can simply slash or cut the opponent for the poison to take effect. This poison causes paralysis to where it cuts. It takes only 3 posts for there to be full paralysis on the area that was cut. Although 10 posts after the area was cut, so basically 7 after there was full paralysis, the paralysis starts to spread along the body. Meaning if the wrist was cut, then the hand and arm would start to get paralyzed. Although it doesn't stop. Every post the opponents body gets a little more paralyzed. So if their back was cut, then from the back it would go to the arms and legs and neck. (so basically its like a slow kill >>) The spreading of the paralysis would only stop if the opponet practically cut off their arm or if they had a particular antidote that only Mister Smiles knows about.

First off, the first letter of every sentence is to be capitalized, which you seem you have forgotten. Errors have been underlined, as is customary with my reviews. Second…
Hahahahahahahaha Hahahaha ahahahaha. Really? All of them? No. ACCESS DENIED! For starters, you would have no idea what kind of poison another person would have, unless that person used it on you; and even then, you would not know every specific of it, without a detailed analysis of the substance in question, making having immunity to all forms of poison quite unlikely. Some beings will make their own special forms of poison, you know; so being able to resist perfectly that would be quite overpowered and metagaming, making you immune the entirety of an entire family branch of powers. Noooope. Even just having immunity to all of mankind’s poisons is overpowered, especially for a mere Shikai release. See, by that wording, you could even twist it to make your character immune to any poison mankind knows of, now or in the future, making your character immune to newly-discovered poisons as well, by technicality. Also, I wouldn’t allow something to be made that has immunity to only your power, unless given a logical reason as to way. I dislike these things. What’s more, I’m a bit confused as to whether or not one cannot be given immunity, or whether your poison cannot be cured or staved off. Which?

I hate things that make examples out of canon, or any other existing thing from the manga, including ranks and Cero… Being the size of Getsuga Tenshou is irrelevant, Mister Smiles. Ichigo can change the size of such, so it is sometimes not even the same size. Find a better example. Do not compare your power to a canon or already existing one. Make your own examples out of things. Getsuga Tenshou can vary in power as well, so that is out. How is it destructive? How does it have destructive power? Corrosive? Or? If the poison is a liquid substance, how can it be destructive? Is like pressurized water? Does it come out with force? Elaborate, Mister Smiles.

-Astonished, what-the-fuck-face-

No way to be rid of it, without this ma-magical antidote that only your character, the one using the power, knows about? Or severing their limb, or organ, or worse? Yeah, that is bullshit, Mister Smiles. That is far too much for a mere Shikai. Give us more of a weakness, a way around it, a way to stave off the effects, a way to, somehow, fix it. Doesn’t have to be obvious or anything, but leaving it in the hands of your character is far out there, considering he would most likely be trying to kill them, not hand them miracle-cure Ovaltine.

That’s all, for now. This review will be finished later. For now, you can work on fixing the problems stated.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Mister Smiles

avatar

Posts : 63
Points : 4
Join date : 2010-05-07
Location : The Abyss. It's very Lonely.

PostSubject: Re: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)    Sat Jul 10, 2010 10:55 pm

Hopefully I managed to edit my zanpakuto to your satisfaction, dear Grammar Nazi! Please, continue on with your plentiful clear and correcting criticism! My humble self can only wait in silence and in patience knowing that the ending of this transaction has not yet come. If you do not find any fault in what has already been edited, please continue, Toymaker! >.>
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)    

Back to top Go down
 
Pyuadoku (Pure Poison)
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Pure white mare . . .
» Poison Dragon Slayer Magic [毒の滅竜魔法 ]
» Poison Dragon Slayer Magic
» Poison Dragon Slayer magic
» Stained Poison Claws

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Bleach Online :: Other :: Recycle Bin :: Registration :: Zanpakutō Creation-
Jump to:  
Forum create on Forumotion | © phpBB | Free forum support | Contact | Report an abuse | Forumotion.com