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 Rarikou Kotseu

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Rarikou



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Join date : 2010-05-21

PostSubject: Rarikou Kotseu   Fri May 21, 2010 8:03 pm

Name: Rarikou Kotseu (translation: Dominanting trickster.)

Manifestation: Rarikou Kotseu is a 7ft tall black serphant. Patterns on it's back depict a war bewteen the soul society and the espadas. THese change to fit a situation. The snake's eyes are a light red, and of course it comes with a forked tounge and fangs. On the end of it's tail is the Shikai form of itself.

Release Phrase: Take your place atop the heavens, Rarikou Kotseu
Family: Illusions

Level: Shikai

Sealed Zanpakuto: (What does you zanpaktou look like out of shikai not released?)

Shikai:

In the release, it dissapers and floats, having no physical shape. One RIku uses his first tech, it becomes. A 3 foot blade, the metal composing it is an unknown black metal. Patterns on the blade are outlined in red, and these words change to fit the situation. Though normally it says: Remeber me, Remeber the pain I bring

Shikai Ability: Increase of speed, and a ability to create basic Illusions. The stregth of the illousions increase as Riku's strength decreases.

Techniques: (Must have this template for all Techs)

Name: Trick # 1: The trickster appears.
Effect: When the Shikai is released, RIku acts as if he is too weak to even go through the rekease and falls, the blade dissapearing as he does. Open the use of the tech
Rarikou Kotseu solidfys and flys to Riku's hand, damaging an opponet before it reaches his hand
Duration and or Cooldown: Takes a few seconds to reach his hand, and it cannot be used again for the duration of the release.

Name: Trick number 2: The trickster has a friend
Effect: Creates an exact duplicate of Rarikou Kotseu, though this blade is a fake, unable to stand up to even be touched. When touched, a small explosion occurs. Riku can switch the real and the fake at any time.
Duration: Takes three seconds to make the clone, two seconds to switch hands, and five seconds rest after it blows up

Name: Trick number three: Who's who?
Effect: Creates an illousion of RIku, and this illousion acts in the same way as the previous trick.
Duration: double the time of the above for each setting,
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Ajaket Diashi

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PostSubject: Re: Rarikou Kotseu   Mon May 31, 2010 11:56 pm

Okay. Let's start with your shikai appearance.

It disappears and floats .........

Huh? What disappears? Your zanpakuto? AND! If it disappears ... how does it float? Does the zan 'vanish' or does it 'disintegrate' into reishi that you control at will which THEN floats, and materializes into a blade (upon usage of your first technique)?

Now the second point of issue IS your first tech ... it seems more like an elaborate release sequence, and ought really not be added as a tech since it serves almost no point. e.e;; And question. When your zanpakuto materializes ... you state it flies to your hand ... and yet mention it damages an opponent. ... Does the blade materialize away from you, and in such a place that your opponent is in its trajectory? If so, please include that in your technique description. Otherwise, it'd just be god-moding based of the description you currently have written.

Next. Your second technique ... if it can't stand to be touched, would you touching it trigger it to explode? Please edit this description to be a little more logical, and also explain how your touch does not trigger the explosion. Also, please edit the duration/cooldown description of this technique so that it embodies time in terms of 'posts' instead of seconds. (For info about the embodiment of time as a 'post', please check my response to Mr. Kuchiki's topic from nearly a year ago found here. It is in the middle.)

The last technique. How does this illusion work? Can it act on it's own? How well can it do such, or does it mimic your every move? Will it attempt to attack the enemy, on its own? Can it perform any of your previous techs? Redefine it's duration/cooldown into 'posts'. Also, do you only make one illusion? And this last question applies to your second tech as well: How powerful are the explosions?

Now, about your manifestation. The last sentence confuses, what do you mean the shikai appearance is on the snake's tail ... as in the sword IS it's tail when it appears? Please make it a little more clear.

Finally, about your techs and corresponding family ... umm. This more like a reiatsu class/family since you make 'illusions' that blow up. ... o.o;; Illusions are the result of a mind being afflicted by your reiatsu such that their senses are tweaked so that they misconceive their surroundings. At least, that's the most popular definition. It MAY work, though it's a bit of stretch since you state that upon contact your illusory blade and self blow up ... which is why I say it's reiatsu, since you compose a 'shell' of your spiritual energy that is highly unstable and detonates. But, then again, I could be mistaken about your family, and that's not the primary issue with your application.

Please correct this issues, and I will see to it that you zanpakuto is approved.
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