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 Grant me oblivion, that I may fade to black.

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The Abyssal Toymaker



Posts : 71
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Join date : 2010-06-05

PostSubject: Grant me oblivion, that I may fade to black.   Sat Jul 03, 2010 5:24 am

I shall be absent for an undetermined scope of time. Reasons, oh yes, so, so many of those, but you shall be spared such rambling poppycock. It's not important, not to anyone outside of myself, in any case. I honestly don't know when I'll return. With the risk of sounding unusually weak, I'll say that everything is currently so melancholically bleak and empty. I really have no clue as to what to do with myself anymore, but it's becoming irritatingly redundant to drag myself out of bed, trying desperately to obtain some semblance of an orderly, purposeful day, looking for meaning where there isn't any. Now, I love you lads and lasses, that I do, but it's pretty pathetic to lurk these forums as your only means of purpose, if not sad, even. I have nothing else, and it's become quite, well, distressing, to have the climax of my day, the peak of excitement and motive, of action and such, which really isn't any at all, to be conversing on a forum, just sitting on a chatbox, half the time not even saying anything.

Bottom line, same old story, same old problems, same old troubles, same old wounds. I can't even begin to describe the ordeal I've endured these past few years, much less put it in a way that allows for other people to understand and empathize even a mere fraction of such suffering. Even those I have reached out to, from time to time, the majority of such, do not comprehend the extent to my past few years have been riddled with misery and dissatisfaction, with disappointment. I think. Ah, life can make you so cynical and apathetic, and then it can take even that from you, leaving you with nothing but emptiness and the ability to look back, and forward, at all that could have been, and all that might have been, but with no means to touch and shape such things. It is much like being a prisoner in your own body, actually. Oh, I know what some are probably thinking. What's this one been through? Probably nothing that bad, or probably nothing at all. Perhaps it's being overdramatized, even. I honestly don't care, at this point. About anything, really, much less peoples' opinions of me. That was one of the first things to go flying out the window. Well, mostly. I'm little more a mascot around here, a chatbox warmer. A deadbeat person who sucks at their job and fails at everything they do, sinking further down into an abysmal hole, a chair, every day, looking as if they were just about one moment from their last. Most of you know me as a person, who keeps most things to their self, abandoning most mention of personal distresses and drama, for the most part. Well, I believe that there is drama, and then there is truth, some of which sounds like the former, but really is not. I don’t like to state how or what I am thinking, or feeling, for the most part, and yet I find myself caring very little for such pointless notions these days. All I think and feel, see and hear, believe and look forward to, are depressing, hopeless, and helpless things. Bleakness. So, if I am viewed as bitching or whining, I do not mind; but I’m saying it like it is, like I always have, right? Actually, if we are going down that road, then depression, hopelessness, and helplessness, do not even begin to describe my life. I started typing, and before I knew it, this fun little message of my thoughts had poured out onto the page. I’ll cut myself off here, before I reveal more of my thoughts than I care to. And no, this isn’t one of those “I’m gone forever, never coming back” messages. Extended absence? Long vacation? Indefinite leave? Something. Who knows. I've done this a bunch of times before, and always come back. This time, it's a hassle to do anything, so I just might not be able to come back, such is my pathetic, uncertain self. It’s pitiful, really, in my opinion. I am. A pitiful, inefficient, sad waste for a perfectly good, bright mind, and flesh and blood. Hmph… at least we can still read, and watch television, right? Sitting around discontent, unable to do as you please. It’s no life at all. I suppose I lied about the rambling, didn’t I…?

Yes, by now you probably think that I'm half-insane, or completely bonkers. You wouldn't be far off if you did.

Bye, all. Have a fabulous life, and be safe, live well and true to yourselves. Don't allow your desires to slip through your fingers. You will regret it, if you do.
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Chinou

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PostSubject: Re: Grant me oblivion, that I may fade to black.   Sat Jul 03, 2010 12:34 pm

See you 'round.
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The Abyssal Toymaker



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PostSubject: Re: Grant me oblivion, that I may fade to black.   Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:03 pm

Screw it. I'm screwed no matter where I go, so I might as well occupy what's left of my time with this job. I guess that makes me back, doesn't it?
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Chinou

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PostSubject: Re: Grant me oblivion, that I may fade to black.   Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:54 pm

Welcome back. ^__^
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Grant me oblivion, that I may fade to black.
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